Filed under: Paraguay
When I was merely a mild-mannered student, traveling the world and only dreaming about being a Peace Corps Volunteer, I never imagined the challenges I am going through right now. When my Peace Corps recruiter told me I would be serving under hardship, I imagined the challenges would be living in a mud hut, perhaps without water or electricity. I’ve done that before, I told myself confidently, remembering the months in India I went without these amenities. I never imagined that the Peace Corps would be a constant break-down of my ego, making me feel insecure about myself in ways I never have before.
There are a lot of things I have in my life that I am proud of and value. I’ve traveled to thirty countries at the age of 23, I’ve had an impressive amount of international development experience for my age, and I feel confident in the path I’m going down in my life. Personality-wise, I feel that I’m quirky, fun, and a generally kind person, with a flair for adventure. I enjoy utilizing my talents with music, photography, video editing, design, and I could talk for hours with anyone about business development, social entrepreneurship, or international affairs. Finally, I have many remarkably fantastic friends and a wonderful family. I’d say that in the United States, I’m a pretty unique person, and I value my individual identity.
In Paraguay, I’m not valued for nearly any of these things; my community just sees me as the weird American who lives alone, likes eating vegetables, and can barely speak their language. I still can’t express myself in Spanish or Guaraní the way I want to, and a lot of my uniqueness is lost in translation. The most general questions I still get asked to this day are things like whether I enjoy drinking tereré or if I know how to speak Guaraní (which in Paraguay, all you generally have to say is ‘mishimi’- a little- which will put any Paraguayan in hysterics and then nod their heads approvingly). Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my identity here. All of the things that I thought defined who I was- traveler, social entrepreneur, writer, book lover- they don’t translate here. What happens to a person when you take away their friends, their family, their language, their culture, their very own unique identity- everything that made them who they thought they were? Peace Corps is like setting your selfhood on fire.
But when I arise from those ashes, I am incredibly humbled. I see who I really am. Not everything is pretty or perfect all the time, like we preen ourselves to be in the United States. I am a human with flaws. Sometimes I get angry, tired, and irritated. I periodically break down and get burned out. I sometimes shut out everyone in my community or run away for the day, in desperation to feel like myself again. But even though sometimes I feel like I’m just a human blob to everyone with no thoughts or emotions, there are still people in my community who love and care about this blob. Who check up on this blob every day to see if they’re doing okay- who invite this blob over for sopa paraguaya or carne asado. So underneath all of the grand achievements and awards that I’ve chalked up to ‘who I am’ – there is still someone underneath there that is worthy of love. And I am slowly- very slowly- learning to love and embrace this real person.
One of my mentors who inspired me to join the Peace Corps sent me a quote a few days ago- “Wherever You Go, There You Are.” My experience here is deconstructing who I thought I was, and it’s a battle every day- but it is also building up who I really am. Never before have I known myself like I do now; never before have I been able to really see my own strengths and weaknesses.
I think this is a big part of what the Peace Corps is all about.
Filed under: Paraguay
“An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The American then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time?
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat, with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.
You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
“But what then, senor?”
The American laughed and said “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
“Millions, senor? Then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
(via Waid’s World)
Many people who read my blog like living vicariously through my service. Many Peace Corps Volunteers dream of changing the world. Here’s a chance for you to change a life. If you look at one thing on the internet today, let this be it.
A loving daughter and sister. An amazing girlfriend. A hardworking student. A dedicated friend. A future teacher. A humanitarian.
Janet is 23 years old, and she is desperately looking for a bone marrow match. With only two months left to live, Janet’s time is running out fast. PLEASE help Janet find a bone marrow match. She is a wonderful person, and we need her in this world.
Ways You Can Help:
- Join the Registry. You can do this for free with Janet’s special promo code- it’s quick, painless, and you could potentially be saving a life.
- Host a Drive. Hosting a bone marrow/stem cell donor drive is one of the most effective ways to reach the local public. Only 7% of Asian Americans are registered in the National Registry. These in-person drives are essential to finding potential matches for patients in need like Janet.
- Donate. All generous donations will be used towards furthering the goals of “Helping Janet,” such as helping fund bone marrow drives.
- Help Spread the Word. You could spread the word through emailing friends and family, spreading the word to someone influential to save Janet, promoting her through Facebook or Twitter, or blogging or writing articles about her.
- Volunteer. You can help volunteer at a bone marrow drive and raise awareness about Janet or one of the other 6,000 patients looking for a match.
Below is a personal plea from Janet.
Two wonderful friends of mine have already signed up through the registry for Janet. You could change a life! Please help Janet find a bone marrow match. You can read more about Janet on her personal website, Helping Janet.
So I haven’t loaded pictures on my blog for a long, long time. The reason is because my camera cord to my computer broke in October, and I had to wait to get my spare one when I was back in the United States for Christmas. I have a lot of back-logged pictures, so there will be a few posts coming up showcasing the last couple of months!
But for this post, I’d rather focus on a more recent event this past week: for the first time, I traveled with my cooperative to an extremely rural village two hours outside of our city! I’m going to start working with the production team to teach farmers who take out loans how to invest wisely in their businesses, rather than buying consumer items like TVs or flashier cell phones. This is a great development for me, and so I was really excited to go on my first big trip with them, just to meet some farmers and learn about the process. The particular trip we went on were to meet a couple of farmers that had an organic cotton export business through the cooperative.
It was an amazing experience- trekking through the woods and fields of corn, mandioca (Paraguay’s staple starch food), sesame, and cotton, meeting with two farmers to update their organic certification, and of course a tereré session followed by a lunch of chicken and pineapple juice. Check out some of the photos below! Just another beautiful day in Paraguay.
Filed under: Paraguay
One year ago I received my invitation to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Paraguay.
What an incredible year. I feel extremely blessed to be where I am today. Cheers to this grand life-changing adventure! And to the year and a half I have left as a Volunteer!
Filed under: Paraguay
A close friend and former Peace Corps Volunteer recently emailed this to me:
“So you hit the proverbial wall! I have been reading your blog. It happens to everyone in the Peace Corps, I promise. Yours actually happened at just about the same timing as me. But it was different for everyone in my class. One of best friends didn’t hit it until the beginning of year two! Be happy that it is happening earlier than later. You will get through it. I promise. It sucks, I know. And when it passes life will be the sweeter because of it.”
The Peace Corps likes to call our integrating into a new culture ‘The Emotional Roller Coaster.’ During integration, we tend to ride on top of the highest of waves, and then drown underneath them. Eventually the wave evens out, but the beginning is usually the hardest. The lowest of the lows I like to call ‘the slump’ period. Since November, I feel that I hit this proverbial wall, or slump, and it didn’t stop until the middle of December, when I went back to the US. After my amazing vacation and looking at my departure back to Paraguay, recharged and refreshed, I promised myself that things would be better when I arrived back in Paraguay. The ‘slump’ would be over- I would MAKE it over!
And indeed, it seems that the worst is over. Since arriving back to Paraguay, things have been much easier for me, and I have been quite a lot happier. Certainly my fresh perspective after being in the States has helped- but what else has?
Before I went home to the US, I visited a Peace Corps counselor to help me work through my feelings of the death of my two friends, and the frustration I felt in my site. We listed all of the stress-relieving activities I had tried that has worked for me in the past, but in the Peace Corps failed: writing, drawing, cooking, watching movies, listening to music. The counselor gave suggestions for some stress-relieving activities I hadn’t tried: meditation, yoga, exercise. Thinking back on my days in high school when I used to run 6 miles a day, I told her that maybe exercising might help.
“Think about it,” she told me. “Maybe exercising could help release endorphins and make you happier. It could help establish a routine in your community. It will give you more energy. And it would make you feel good about yourself!”
Hence, my New Year’s resolution was to find an exercise routine that I enjoy. Since coming back to Paraguay, I’ve been running every day, and I’m surprised to say it has helped me MONUMENTALLY so far. The counselor was right- the running helps release much-needed endorphins, and I feel great about myself every day. It has helped me establish a routine, which I think is something I felt sorely lacking in my community, since I make my own schedule. And as an added bonus, I no longer feel annoyed about sweating all day in the 100+ degree weather- I put on my exercise clothes and do all the things I want to do in my house that makes me sweat, such as cooking (which makes my kitchen about 20 degrees hotter) or washing the dishes (my sink is outside under the blazing sun)- and then I go running, take a nice cold shower, and eat my pre-cooked dinner feeling nice and clean. Even if I don’t feel the level of productivity I want to in my site, I always go to sleep thinking ‘well, at least I ran today!’
I’m not saying that running is the way for all PCVs to get out of the slump- but if you’re in it, think about something you haven’t tried before that could help relieve stress, and then try it. Perhaps little by little, you’ll feel yourself on a steadier ground and happier place. I’ve only been back in my site for a week (*knock on wood*), but I’ve seen a huge increase in my happiness since starting this stress-relieving activity.
Here’s a little extra PC love for the slump. We can all get through this!
Much love,
Brittany
Filed under: Paraguay
It’s the New Year. What’s better than a survey of 2011 so far! I took these questions from another Volunteer’s journal. At the end of this post, I’m going to tag five of my friends in the Peace Corps to do the survey as well. Here we go!
Moment that made me rethink dairy: When I discovered my giarda caused lactose intolerance- which funnily enough, only lasted about two months. Back to the dairy grind!
What reminded me most that I’m in Paraguay: The generosity of complete strangers. Whether they offer you tereré, carne asado, or adopt you as a member of their family- Paraguayans are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
Most surprisingly tasty food: Fatty beef rib- Considering I was pretty much vegan before the Peace Corps, I don’t know why I enjoy this so much, but nothing makes me feel more happily Paraguayan than this type of carne asado.
Favorite thing to find being recycled by other volunteers who have recently returned from The States or had a friend come visit: So far, books!
Most entertaining adventure: After a night of drinking with friends before Thanksgiving, we all decided we were going to kill our own chickens for the feast, rather than buy them dead and ready to be stuffed. In the morning we got it together and decided it was probably better to order the easy dead ones, so we asked a Paraguayan neighbor to get them for us. Of course, they show up with three live chickens. Not only did I learn how to kill, de-feather, and gut a chicken, but I did one of them myself.
Moment that made me realize no bug experience could ever get much worse: Killing 4 GIANT spiders in one day in my house, after they all leapt out of nowhere- followed by a grasshopper, then a cockroach.
Favorite thing to do on vacation: 1) Drink a bloody mary. I don’t know why I have suddenly become so obsessed with this drink (perhaps because it reminds me of both seafood and brunch, both things which are nonexistent in Paraguay) 2) Worship the air conditioner, and 3) Go to Whole Foods and marvel and all of the pre-packaged deliciousness.
Moment that made me stop and say, “Where am I?”: Sitting on a five hour bus ride when it was almost 100 degrees out, jammed to the brim with Paraguayans, with elbows and crotches shoved in my face.
Most shocking information I have given to a Paraguayan: That saying ‘Look how much fatter you’ve gotten!’ after not seeing someone for a few days is in fact, not a compliment in the United States.
Most entertaining question asked by a Paraguayan: The penis sizes of all my ex boyfriends.
Something I would never have done if I were not living here: Have my summer soulmate be Tereré. I swear Tereré is one of the best things that have ever happened to me.
Favorite new culinary technique: My family seems to be extremely impressed with my chopping skills, so I’d say that has improved a bunch. I also made my first Indian curry!
Funniest Guarani word learned: Aiiichijanaga! This means ‘Pobrecito,’ or ‘You Poor Thing.’ Expressive- and also hilarious.
Most uncomfortable charla moment: My first ever class I taught in training, a photography lesson to 9 and 10 year old Paraguayans. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have six people in the back evaluating my every move, with my tech trainer and language trainer taking fastidious notes throughout the entire process.
Favorite American topic that Paraguayans like to talk to me about: 9/11 and the effect on America today
Longest running joke in my host-family: My hot water bottle aka ‘boyfriend’, which we have dubbed ‘Enrique Iglesias.’ We all like to joke that he is my boyfriend because he’s hot and sleeps with me at night.
Moment that almost gave me a heart attack: Seeing a largish sized spider on my curtains- raising up a shoe to kill it and missing- and then seeing a second GIANT spider crawl out under the curtains where it had been hiding.
Strangest thing I have seen being sold on a city bus: A sock-feather duster combo package
Hottest day: 101 degrees… but I haven’t even been here for the worst part of the summer yet!
Thing that makes me feel like a lot tougher than I am: Killing giant bugs, taking continuously cold showers, using a machete
Favorite book read in site: ‘Sweetness in the Belly’ by Camilla Gibb
Most unusual injury sustained when considering I am a Peace Corps volunteer: Trekking through the pouring rain with other PCVs in Asuncion after realizing we took the wrong bus- all of us with our backpacks and me with a giant cube full of spices from Thanksgiving- then slipping and sliding onto the ground and almost into incoming traffic. I bruised my knee, but that’s minor compared the injuries everyone else sustained from laughing too hard.
Funniest cultural thing in general: I think there’s too many to even begin with, but I guess what jumps out to my mind is that during training, it was stressed to us to the maximum that Paraguay is an indirect culture and that saying anything directly is very rude. This is true in some parts, but what I find funny is how Paraguayans are SO direct about other things, like asking what you pay in rent every month, whether you gained weight in the past week, why you didn’t bring them a more expensive present from the US, or if you’re going to buy something from their business the next day.
Here’s to more adventures in 2012! I tag my Peace Corps Friends Joanna, Molly, Amy, Richard, and Taylor!
Filed under: Paraguay
The past two weeks in the United States has been everything I could have wished for in my wildest dreams. Before the Peace Corps, while I was with Carpe Diem and Global College, I felt like traveling had been my sustenance, my livelihood- it made me feel wholly myself. For the first time in nearly four years, coming back to the United States now fulfilled that quota in me. I arrived from Paraguay feeling exhausted and depleted. Two weeks with my family was the exact sort of healing and renewal I needed. I left the United States feeling full- both figuratively and literally- figuratively in that I felt extremely replenished, refreshed, and ready to start again. Literally meaning that I ate literally every single thing I wanted and missed in the US- Chinese, Indian, Italian, Sushi, scores of veggies, bagels galore, Starbucks, Chipotle, and so much seafood my stomach could barely take it in anymore. Not to mention my grandmother’s unbelievable Christmas dinner, which was essentially a Thanksgiving feast to end all feasts.
I swam in the ocean. My parents gave me a ‘spa day’ as a Christmas present, where I was massaged, pedicured, and eyebrow-waxed. I went bowling with my cousins and drank cheap beer. I watched two new movies in theaters, and classics with family. I gorged myself on the most amazing brunch of my life at my cousin’s engagement party (I’ll be going back to the states for his wedding next year!) I cuddled with my dog, Lucky, who I missed so much. I saw my two best friends, ate at diners, and went dancing at a jam band concert for New Years. My Dad read us his traditional ‘The Night Before Christmas’ on Christmas Eve. I went liquor shopping with my Dad and brother, which was one of the most fun adventures we’ve had. I marveled at the air conditioning, hot showers, driving a car, drying my clothes in a dryer, and my old iPhone that delivered me email the second it arrived. I went on a shopping spree at a Whole Foods, stocking up on all kinds of sauces and spices to bring back with me down to Paraguay. And let’s not forget Christmas morning…
It was the best vacation of my life. Being surrounded by wonderful friends and family, good food, and all of the conveniences the US brings, was utterly amazing. I barely went through any reverse culture shock- I just loved and appreciated every moment. Thanks so much to my amazing parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and friends for making these two weeks so incredible.
2011 was a challenging year, and at many times difficult. It started with my wonderful dog, Summer, suddenly passing at at 3 AM, the day I left for the Peace Corps. What I had imagined to be one of the most amazing/exciting days of my life turned out to be one of the saddest. It feels like death has been a companion with me so far through my service, with two more of my friends passing at such a young age. I can’t deny that it hasn’t affected me a lot.
On January 2nd, I left for the Peace Corps again, but it was a very different day than the last. My family and I got up at 6 AM to go to the beach, watch the sun rise, and hold a memorial service for our dog. We always loved to take Summer to the beach in the mornings, she so loved running on the sand, catching the ball, and then jumping into the ocean. I think it really was one of the highlights of her life. When we arrived for her service, we saw a tennis ball in the sand! It was the ultimate sign that Summer was there with us. We scattered her ashes over the calmest of waters, with the most beautiful sun rise.
I think it’s a sign. I think 2012 is going to be a year of healing. A year of renewal, of strength- of letting go of the past, and moving forward. At Emily’s memorial service, a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer got up to talk about a trip he took with her last December. It was a special holiday in Paraguay, a 10 mile pilgrimage through the night. Emily grew extremely frustrated and annoyed with all of the walking, but they finally arrived, and the sun came out. And so did Emily- she beamed like the sun. And the Volunteer said that the darkest hour is always before dawn- that it’s okay to get down, to be sad. But afterwards, Emily would’ve wanted us to get back up. To smile. To move forward.
I am ready to get back up. I am ready to move forward. And I am more ready than ever to be back in Paraguay.
Here’s to Paraguay- to the Peace Corps- to 2012.
Much love,
Brittany
This is the first time in awhile I feel at a loss of words to write anything on here. I feel as if I’ve been blindsided with everything that has happened the past few months. Such an onslaught of different emotions and feelings, it’s hard to encapsulate them all. I hear that the first six months of the Peace Corps is the hardest. On top of integrating into a new culture and two tragic deaths I experienced this year, I am excited that this period is over and looking forward to what the New Year will bring.
I am going home to the United States in three days to spend Christmas with my family, and I’ve never been more excited to go back home than I am now. I miss my parents, my siblings, my dog. I miss my friends and my grandparents and all of my cousins and aunts and uncles. I miss American restaurants, the breezy Florida winter weather, the transportation, clean houses where I don’t have to be constantly vigilant about crickets, because with them come the spiders. I miss hot showers and covers instead of my sleeping bag. I miss wi-fi. Starbucks, Target, Walgreens.
I’m taking a little break from blogging to focus on being home with family and re-charging. I’m excited to come back to my life in Paraguay with a fresh perspective. See you in the New Year!
Brittany
Filed under: Paraguay
Me killing a chicken
Thanksgiving calls for Turkey, but when you make a $400 a month salary, Peace Corps Volunteers get creative with the cheaper options. Thus, my group of friends that I celebrated Thanksgiving with decided that we should be all Paraguayan and kill our own fowl instead. I jumped at this opportunity to experience such an important part of Paraguayan culture.
Unfortunately, I actually didn’t kill this chicken as much as horribly maimed. I couldn’t seem to snap the neck- perhaps I don’t have the killer instinct in me. Our Paraguayan neighbor grew impatient with me and grabbed the chicken, cleanly ending it’s life. At the very least I got to pluck all of the feathers and take out the innards, but something tells me that I cannot leave this country until I have actually personally killed my very own chicken. I am sure there will be opportunities galore for the next 2 years to do this.
Thanksgiving this year was amazing with all of my Peace Corps friends. I am so thankful for all of them. Please check out my friend Joanna’s blog post for pictures and more details.
Happy belated Thanksgiving from Paraguay!
